No further argument against polygamy?!

Dr. Mohler claimed on his program that with the advent of gay-marriage there won't be any rational hold against polygamy. I wonder whether he really believes that, because there is a very good rational hold against polygamy that has to do with the fact how human beings relate to each other.
So lets have a look at heterosexual polygamy. I've drawn a little sketch to visualize the problems that come along with such a relational triangle.



I analyze the relation between a man and several women, because that was what polygamy was during most of recorded history.



In order to be in love for a heterosexual the person of desire needs to be of the opposite sex. (Which is the definition of heterosexuality). That means that in the relationship triangle between three heterosexuals there can just be love between the women and the man. Between both women there can be in the best case close friendship.
Let us supposed those three persons met the women fell in love with the man and the man vice versa with both women.

It is unimaginably hard if not impossible to love two persons the same way. The man will have extremely hard problems to feel the same burning desire for both his women for an extended period of time. Even if he achieves to do so, it will hard in the same unimaginable way to show that love to both women equally.

Remember we started this example with the supposing that it is the best case - both women being close friends. How long can a friendship survive this situation? At one point one woman will ask herself the question whether he doesn't love the other wife more. Whether she isn't really wife No.2. In the moment she begins to wonder whether she really is wife No.2 it's just natural that she will test how close her husband is to her. Her best friend on the other hand must in this case believe that she is breaking the basis for their polygamous relationship by trying to be a better wife to him than she is. Which will start a competition between both. A competition driven by jealousy that can lead nowhere but into open or hidden animosity between both females.

The man on the other hand could try to moderate this competition. But would he really have any reason to do so? Having to women who compete for your affection is quite flattering. It also brings him into a situation of power that is hard to resist.
Remember that this is the best case of such a relationship. In a much worse case those women will already join this marriage with a sense of jealousy and competition. In this case the marriage is more or less just about a man being in the center of a competition between two women.



I'm at this point fully a humanist who believes that human dignity is inviolable. In the worst case the dignity of both women gets violated from the beginning. I the better case it is highly likely that it will get violated within the course of the 'marriage'.

If people want to give such a triangle a try against all odds against it, they may do so - but they shouldn't accept a broader society to sanction such a relationship.





Let's move a bit further from the social standard and lets consider whether it would be then permissible to sanction polygamies between bisexual or homosexual people.
You can not ignore that it has different starting points than a heterosexual triangle. With a homo- or bisexual triangle you could really have love between all partners.

At this point I will return to my prior argument - that it is impossible to love two persons the same way AND to show this affection the same way. In an homo- or bisexual triangle you would have the great risk of having a strong love developing between two of the partners and smaller ones towards the 3rd partner in the relationship. I would predict that he or she is kicked out of the relationship triangle sooner or later - or - that he or she becomes a kind of replacement partner with whom you have intercourse when the other partner has migraine.



Also in such a situation I see the strong risk that the dignity of at least one person in the relationship gets violated and therefor I wouldn't want to see it sanctioned as well. If people want to try this social experiment they should very well do so. But they shouldn't expect me to agree to it.